A holistic approach...

I got bored looking at my editorial calendar and decided I would rather talk some more about female sexual health and wellness.

It’s something I rant about but never write about.

A holistic approach to women’s health and well-being, includes sexual wellness. I believe this inward oriented path to full body pleasure deserves attention and nurturing.

I said the above in my letter from last week.

I want to preface that what I am going to write about is my opinion, my personal experience, and the experience of some of my clients.

When I was younger, I felt I was lacking when it came to sexuality. I truly believed I just had a very low libido, when in fact the context of my life just put huge breaks on my sex drive.

However, I wanted to want. I felt that a healthy sex life was as important to my well-being and relationship as honest and true conversations.

And since I am an adventuress, off I went in search of my pleasure.

I am still on that journey because nothing in life stays static. The least our female bodies!

You might remember that I sent out a request to talk to women whose pleasure, and the erotic have taken a backseat at this point in their lives.

I had some incredible conversations that covered a broad spectrum on female pleasure.

But several things became abundantly clear:

Our education about female sexuality still comes up short.

Unless you search for it. And then there is a stratosphere of misinformation and generalisations out there that is concerning.

No one talks about sexuality post menopause!

On the common platforms you find talk about peri menopause and menopause. And then silence. A black hole that swallows all of us mature women.

No one talks about how our pleasure can go into hiding regardless of all the work we have done, regardless of everything we know, if our body doesn’t feel safe.

How we disconnect from our body, parts of us feeling so vulnerable that we go into protection mode.

Or how illness swallows our pleasure whole!

But let’s stay with female sexuality during and post menopause.

(I’m choosing that window in our life because that is what is closest to me right now. Young women face similar challenges….)

Here is what I see on various platforms that talk to women about aging.

It’s all about how to embrace long term health and fitness, unlocking the secret of longevity, keeping a performance mindset. Foods to support longevity and so on. Nothing we should neglect at any age!

But…

What about our female sexual health and wellness?

We’ve had a fitness revolution. We know the impact of a healthy, moving body on every area of our life.

We’ve had a food revolution. We became more conscious about what foods are good for our body and our mind.

I believe it’s time for a revolution of female sexuality!

Our sexuality is not just for reproductive purposes.

Pleasure is our birthright, it is what our bodies are wired for.

For too long we’ve followed a male model of sexuality. It’s what we have been taught.

But I want us to look at our female sexuality from an empowering, shame free and educated perspective.

I want us to get so connected to our bodies again that we can advocate for ourselves in a medical system that feels very one dimensional.

It’s not just about the vaginal cream to alleviate symptoms of dryness and pain. (and yes, I’m simplifying it here or I’d have to write a book)

There is a Yes/ And in there.

Yes, the medical world has made strides.

And we relegate our vulva and vagina into the dark like she is some inanimate object that only comes to life for sex.

If we don’t exercise, our bodies get stiff and achy.

The same happens to our vagina (and there are usually many complex reasons why we don’t). We dry up.

And no OB/GYN tells us ‘if you don’t use it, you lose it’ which is absolutely the case!

I strongly advocate for a pleasure practice.*** It’s a solo practice where you work with your sexuality, your erotic energy, and your pleasure in a conscious and intentional way.

I’ve been experimenting with this for years. Done regularly, it is something that is incredibly nourishing and hydrating!

Of course, I too forget at times or get lazy. The first tell-tale sign that something is off is a very bad mood.

Our sexual wellness is a fundamental aspect in how we feel overall. It extends beyond the physical. When we engage with our pleasure, it becomes a key component to living a healthy and fulfilling life. It has positive effects on our physical health, our emotional well-being, on our self-confidence and body image, on our relationships.

And it is empowering. Being deeply connected to our body, knowing, and understanding its signals, allows us to voice what we need and desire.

Sexual wellness is not ‘just’ about pleasure. It is a holistic approach to our overall health!

*** No pleasure practice is the same! It is highly personalized. When working with clients we take many aspects into consideration. First and foremost comes feeling safe in her body. More on that another time.

 With love and pleasure!

Theres